Survival of the Softest

by The Classical

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1.
I should have bought me a knife Why’s it selfish to try to survive? Someday this all will be ruins Overwhelmed by the course of the time Tell me that I’m a good girl Who only gets carried away I don’t know who to believe Not it, not me I’m thinking of ending it here You’re taking a toll on my good looks You’re filling my head up with snakes No peace, no rest Did you know I always drew the best cards? Every one was better than before Love, I give it to you Is this all the thanks I get, oh no I finally found the right word My mother was with me at last She couldn’t believe there’s a name For that sensation The memory tears us apart There isn’t a day that goes by without it I guess it’s how something becomes Our thing, our song Did you know I always drew the best cards? Every one was better than before Love, I give it to you Here, I give it to you Did you know I always had the best luck? I’m in love, I want to help so much Love, I give it to you Is this all the thanks I get, oh no
2.
Uh Oh 03:34
Right before I fall there’s a light in your eyes It’s really on the floor where the feeding starts This morning, hoping that my heart wouldn’t give me away It could have gone either way Someone put a charm on my bedroom door Money on the bet I would leave em alone That morning, I was in my bed and I was at my best so maybe it was reckless But here we are Whispering a prayer for this moment today It could have gone either way It got into my head I don’t know how it started but I’m ready for it over again They threw us to the beasts I blew a kiss and said goodbye I’m ready for it over again Underneath his arm I am beautiful I’ll forget the years that it was not so I won’t allow my mind to fantasize about the violence anymore Tonight I’m not a child anymore And right before I fall there’s a rise in the crowd No one can explain this celestial calm Suspended in the ring as the lion starves Halo round his head like the Lamb of God Still you can love after all they have done to you He looks at you now, but he still does not run to you This morning, hoping that my heart wouldn’t give me away It could have gone either way It got into my head I don’t know how it started but I’m ready for it over again They threw us to the beasts I blew a kiss and said goodbye I’m ready for it over again
3.
Not a Trick 03:54
Now that you know me I’m sorry I’m nothing new But keep it a secret How easy I lose my cool Now with all of the lights out, the worst is over Or just beginning What is the difference And I wanna believe That I’m keeping my dignity I had it all planned out, I was gonna be free But I get so worked up over beautiful things And when I sing about you, it’s just a song about me And for anyone listening: This is not a trick to make you love me I would never treat a man like that The water is colder I’m finally turning blue Phases of cruelty It’s fun to do something new You thought the worst was all over They turned the lights out It’s just beginning What is the difference And I want to believe That in keeping my dignity That I would spare no pains, stop at no expense But I am getting too old for the quick revenge And when we both die alone I hope we’re still friends And when you ask where the good times went Maybe it’s my look of loveless torment Who would ever need a man like that? I don’t need anyone I’ve got all that I need by my own side Suddenly there’s things I’m understanding That I’ll never understand away What is the difference? Keep it a secret
4.
Smile 04:49
Every moment Every place You can tell the motion is everything Every violent Turn of phrase Squeeze your bones, pop the trigger, baby Why don’t you make me smile? You don’t know where your daughter is But you know what the ladies like Why don’t you make me smile? I don’t sleep in the gutter man But I know what the rain is like, yup What a vision Misery I’m an only child of sorrow, baby Bodies burning Where’s the peace? Women on the floor in their bathrooms, moaning So amazing Just to think I can never help inviting attention Never face him Never blink I would never ruin the moment, moment Why don’t you make me smile? I don’t know what the joke is, man, But I know what the choking’s like Why don’t you make me smile? On paper it sounds so nice Why don’t you make me smile? In the coolness Of the night Gaze set up at the clocktower light All the groping Passing by Lil anorexia cousin lover Ruination Look alive Like a gold ring tight in a fat fist, baby In your mind you Lullaby While these eyeless dogs fight in the parking lot Why don’t you make me smile? I don’t know where the window is But I know where the light is right Why don’t you make me smile? I don’t jump over puddles man But I know what the rain is like, yup Why don’t you make me smile? My best friend loves ugly men I promise you’re just her type Why don’t you make me smile? And I’ll dance real slow Imperceptible but for your sight Why don’t you make me smile? I learn nothing but patience here From your incessant diatribes Why don’t you make me smile? Medical gauze on my eyes Oh, what a lovely night
5.
I’m gonna lie to myself again I no longer have any secrets I’m gonna lie to myself again I have no memory of the beating I’m gonna lie to myself again Whole other worlds to myself again An invention when men ignore me I’m gonna lie to myself again I’m gonna look for another way Permanent swollen knuckles in perfect hands A perfect ten, oh baby No heaviness, no dreams, cuz there’s nothing left And no regrets, oh baby Here and tonight’s the best I will ever be I’ve ever been
6.
Gods in your petulance Spit in my mouth again Anyway, nobody’s listening Roads and utilities Personal property Wish they would spare me this misery Maybe it’s almost done And maybe it’s taken far too long Either way I’m calling it The stars are falling in Gossiping to my friends That I am delighted But I’m so frightened How well am I hiding it? I’m barely fighting back Come for me destiny Taste this anxiety If you can even contend with me Ἁειδε Μουσa μοι φιλη Don’t you abandon me Lead me to the water’s edge Drink and then forget the living Every unbearable memory Mustn’t name him too loud Or maybe you’ll dream his hateful power But they did again and again and again It was entertainment then Towering through The blistering membrane Over the refrain Inane bitter decadence As all the faults collapse Singer and prophetess Ordinary weathermen Everyone’s personal betterment Lovers who lied to me Mothers who read to me All y’all are already dead to me Maybe the name was wrong I wonder what’s taken him so long I have second thoughts again Again, again, again The river was just muddy tire tracks I remember everything, I do, and I miss you And even in death I’m the worst romantic Come for me destiny Taste this anxiety Night sky is opening Low distant rumbling The dead ones lie dreaming Pieces of ceiling Faces green and ashen Pinned by my neck again Ἁειδε Μουσa μοι φιλη Don’t you abandon me Sing down the trees and inspire me
7.
My Death 05:37
My Death A diplomatic disaster You just move this one thing And boom, the lid’s off again My Death A diplomatic disaster Take what you want from me And look at me run My Death A diplomatic disaster You let slip this one thing And look at it go again My Death A diplomatic disaster Take what you want from me And look at me run Look at me run Boom and it’s off My Death Who me? The worrier It was a small thing But everyone talks, you know My Death Who me? Deliverer Take what you want from me And look at me run It follows a dull night, sleepless and bored. A bare-chested man goes by me as I’m walking down the road. Spits just as he passes me, such an evil sound. Maybe it was a courtesy. It’s hard to let it go. The things that so offend me don’t refer to me at all. Tiny sounds of menace like a bubble on the surface from a bottom-dwelling monster who has been and belched and gone. What was that thought that gave me such peace moments ago? Death, death My Death A diplomatic disaster Just give me my one thing I promise, I’m gone again My Death A diplomatic disaster Take what you want from me And look at me run
8.
interlude 01:32
9.
Under naked light bulb With a squint, and a smile In a voice soft and tender I’ll sing of my love In a very near whisper I’ll sing of the joy of my love With enough of my song You’ll believe it’s a perfect love In the place where we live There’s a bed and the room is well lit When the going is rough Then we drive to a bar where we sit And we talk of the world Him a lot, me a little bit There at the window is a woman No one knew what a love she got into Looking not beyond the window pane I want answers, she cries Take a guess, you’ll be right It’s a good fight, a good fight The victor’s she who smiles wide Under naked light bulb With a squint, and a smile In a voice soft and tender I’m sincere
10.
Salt Point 05:20
I stood above the ocean Like someone who had power Or beliefs The cliffs fall down before me The black uneasy tide Underneath All night the timpani play A beating you could never escape I bet the cold is paralyzing Your body like the weight of the waves All the force, but none of the pain I always found it so exciting And my fantasies keep on I’ve been so deep for so long If you’re here then you must be one And the end has been coming It’s of something uncertain For what feels like forever now I didn’t have anyone in mind It’s more like anyone I can find I need someone to really jump in Who really has strength for the quiet? The little things that make up a life? I guess I got the wrong impression And the stone they were finding So alike and unlikely They were so many skies apart How could you reconcile them? You’ve got only a lifetime And the effort would break your heart Now nothing will destroy me, babe I’ll never live up to my name I mustn’t let it be a burden The tide rolls back again The memory is wasted away Someday it will be all forgotten

credits

released August 11, 2017

Written, produced & recorded by Juliet E. Gordon (except "Smile," recorded by Ben Unger)

Album mixed and vocals recorded by Jay Pellicci at New, Improved Studios

Mastered by Bob Weston at Chicago Mastering Service

Additional Personnel:
Alex Miner
Paul Montes
Noah Quillec
Drew Pearson

Special thanks to Ian Brown and Drew Pearson for production insight

Special thanks to Ben Unger for everything

Cover photo by Imani Sayyed; mask by Unhexing

Released August 11, 2017

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