Survival of the Softest

by The Classical

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credits

released August 11, 2017

Written, produced & recorded by Juliet E. Gordon (except "Smile," recorded by Ben Unger)

Album mixed and vocals recorded by Jay Pellicci at New, Improved Studios

Mastered by Bob Weston at Chicago Mastering Service

Additional Personnel:
Alex Miner
Paul Montes
Noah Quillec
Drew Pearson

Special thanks to Ian Brown and Drew Pearson for production insight

Special thanks to Ben Unger for everything

Cover photo by Imani Sayyed; mask by Unhexing

Released August 11, 2017

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Track Name: Theme for a Gorgon
I should have bought me a knife
Why’s it selfish to try to survive?
Someday this all will be ruins
Overwhelmed by the course of the time

Tell me that I’m a good girl
Who only gets carried away
I don’t know who to believe
Not it, not me

I’m thinking of ending it here
You’re taking a toll on my good looks
You’re filling my head up with snakes
No peace, no rest

Did you know I always drew the best cards?
Every one was better than before
Love, I give it to you
Is this all the thanks I get, oh no

I finally found the right word
My mother was with me at last
She couldn’t believe there’s a name
For that sensation

The memory tears us apart
There isn’t a day that goes by without it
I guess it’s how something becomes
Our thing, our song

Did you know I always drew the best cards?
Every one was better than before
Love, I give it to you
Here, I give it to you

Did you know I always had the best luck?
I’m in love, I want to help so much
Love, I give it to you
Is this all the thanks I get, oh no
Track Name: Uh Oh
Right before I fall there’s a light in your eyes
It’s really on the floor where the feeding starts
This morning, hoping that my heart wouldn’t give me away
It could have gone either way

Someone put a charm on my bedroom door
Money on the bet I would leave em alone
That morning, I was in my bed and I was at my best so maybe it was reckless
But here we are
Whispering a prayer for this moment today
It could have gone either way

It got into my head
I don’t know how it started but
I’m ready for it over again
They threw us to the beasts
I blew a kiss and said goodbye
I’m ready for it over again

Underneath his arm I am beautiful
I’ll forget the years that it was not so
I won’t allow my mind to fantasize about the violence anymore
Tonight I’m not a child anymore
And right before I fall there’s a rise in the crowd
No one can explain this celestial calm
Suspended in the ring as the lion starves
Halo round his head like the Lamb of God
Still you can love after all they have done to you
He looks at you now, but he still does not run to you

This morning, hoping that my heart wouldn’t give me away
It could have gone either way

It got into my head
I don’t know how it started but
I’m ready for it over again
They threw us to the beasts
I blew a kiss and said goodbye
I’m ready for it over again
Track Name: Not a Trick
Now that you know me
I’m sorry I’m nothing new
But keep it a secret
How easy I lose my cool

Now with all of the lights out, the worst is over
Or just beginning
What is the difference

And I wanna believe
That I’m keeping my dignity
I had it all planned out, I was gonna be free
But I get so worked up over beautiful things
And when I sing about you, it’s just a song about me
And for anyone listening:
This is not a trick to make you love me
I would never treat a man like that

The water is colder
I’m finally turning blue
Phases of cruelty
It’s fun to do something new
You thought the worst was all over
They turned the lights out
It’s just beginning
What is the difference

And I want to believe
That in keeping my dignity
That I would spare no pains, stop at no expense
But I am getting too old for the quick revenge
And when we both die alone I hope we’re still friends
And when you ask where the good times went
Maybe it’s my look of loveless torment
Who would ever need a man like that?

I don’t need anyone
I’ve got all that I need by my own side
Suddenly there’s things I’m understanding
That I’ll never understand away
What is the difference?
Keep it a secret
Track Name: Smile
Every moment
Every place
You can tell the motion is everything

Every violent
Turn of phrase
Squeeze your bones, pop the trigger, baby

Why don’t you make me smile?
You don’t know where your daughter is
But you know what the ladies like
Why don’t you make me smile?
I don’t sleep in the gutter man
But I know what the rain is like, yup

What a vision
Misery
I’m an only child of sorrow, baby

Bodies burning
Where’s the peace?
Women on the floor in their bathrooms, moaning

So amazing
Just to think
I can never help inviting attention

Never face him
Never blink
I would never ruin the moment, moment

Why don’t you make me smile?
I don’t know what the joke is, man,
But I know what the choking’s like
Why don’t you make me smile?
On paper it sounds so nice
Why don’t you make me smile?

In the coolness
Of the night
Gaze set up at the clocktower light

All the groping
Passing by
Lil anorexia cousin lover

Ruination
Look alive
Like a gold ring tight in a fat fist, baby

In your mind you
Lullaby
While these eyeless dogs fight in the parking lot

Why don’t you make me smile?
I don’t know where the window is
But I know where the light is right
Why don’t you make me smile?
I don’t jump over puddles man
But I know what the rain is like, yup

Why don’t you make me smile?
My best friend loves ugly men
I promise you’re just her type
Why don’t you make me smile?
And I’ll dance real slow
Imperceptible but for your sight
Why don’t you make me smile?
I learn nothing but patience here
From your incessant diatribes
Why don’t you make me smile?
Medical gauze on my eyes
Oh, what a lovely night
Track Name: Lie to Myself
I’m gonna lie to myself again
I no longer have any secrets

I’m gonna lie to myself again
I have no memory of the beating

I’m gonna lie to myself again
Whole other worlds to myself again
An invention when men ignore me

I’m gonna lie to myself again
I’m gonna look for another way
Permanent swollen knuckles in perfect hands
A perfect ten, oh baby
No heaviness, no dreams, cuz there’s nothing left
And no regrets, oh baby
Here and tonight’s the best I will ever be
I’ve ever been
Track Name: Survival of the Softest
Gods in your petulance
Spit in my mouth again
Anyway, nobody’s listening

Roads and utilities
Personal property
Wish they would spare me this misery

Maybe it’s almost done
And maybe it’s taken far too long
Either way I’m calling it
The stars are falling in
Gossiping to my friends
That I am delighted
But I’m so frightened
How well am I hiding it?
I’m barely fighting back

Come for me destiny
Taste this anxiety
If you can even contend with me

Ἁειδε Μουσa μοι φιλη
Don’t you abandon me
Lead me to the water’s edge
Drink and then forget the living
Every unbearable memory

Mustn’t name him too loud
Or maybe you’ll dream his hateful power
But they did again and again and again
It was entertainment then
Towering through
The blistering membrane
Over the refrain
Inane bitter decadence
As all the faults collapse

Singer and prophetess
Ordinary weathermen
Everyone’s personal betterment

Lovers who lied to me
Mothers who read to me
All y’all are already dead to me

Maybe the name was wrong
I wonder what’s taken him so long
I have second thoughts again
Again, again, again

The river was just muddy tire tracks
I remember everything, I do, and I miss you
And even in death I’m the worst romantic

Come for me destiny
Taste this anxiety
Night sky is opening
Low distant rumbling
The dead ones lie dreaming

Pieces of ceiling
Faces green and ashen
Pinned by my neck again
Ἁειδε Μουσa μοι φιλη
Don’t you abandon me
Sing down the trees and inspire me
Track Name: My Death
My Death
A diplomatic disaster
You just move this one thing
And boom, the lid’s off again
My Death
A diplomatic disaster
Take what you want from me
And look at me run

My Death
A diplomatic disaster
You let slip this one thing
And look at it go again
My Death
A diplomatic disaster
Take what you want from me
And look at me run

Look at me run
Boom and it’s off

My Death
Who me? The worrier
It was a small thing
But everyone talks, you know
My Death
Who me? Deliverer
Take what you want from me
And look at me run

It follows a dull night, sleepless and bored. A bare-chested man goes by me as I’m walking down the road. Spits just as he passes me, such an evil sound. Maybe it was a courtesy. It’s hard to let it go. The things that so offend me don’t refer to me at all. Tiny sounds of menace like a bubble on the surface from a bottom-dwelling monster who has been and belched and gone. What was that thought that gave me such peace moments ago? Death, death

My Death
A diplomatic disaster
Just give me my one thing
I promise, I’m gone again
My Death
A diplomatic disaster
Take what you want from me
And look at me run
Track Name: Love Singer (or, The Vastness of the Small Corral)
Under naked light bulb
With a squint, and a smile
In a voice soft and tender
I’ll sing of my love
In a very near whisper
I’ll sing of the joy of my love
With enough of my song
You’ll believe it’s a perfect love

In the place where we live
There’s a bed and the room is well lit
When the going is rough
Then we drive to a bar where we sit
And we talk of the world
Him a lot, me a little bit

There at the window is a woman
No one knew what a love she got into
Looking not beyond the window pane

I want answers, she cries
Take a guess, you’ll be right
It’s a good fight, a good fight
The victor’s she who smiles wide

Under naked light bulb
With a squint, and a smile
In a voice soft and tender
I’m sincere
Track Name: Salt Point
I stood above the ocean
Like someone who had power
Or beliefs

The cliffs fall down before me
The black uneasy tide
Underneath

All night the timpani play
A beating you could never escape
I bet the cold is paralyzing

Your body like the weight of the waves
All the force, but none of the pain
I always found it so exciting

And my fantasies keep on
I’ve been so deep for so long
If you’re here then you must be one

And the end has been coming
It’s of something uncertain
For what feels like forever now

I didn’t have anyone in mind
It’s more like anyone I can find
I need someone to really jump in

Who really has strength for the quiet?
The little things that make up a life?
I guess I got the wrong impression

And the stone they were finding
So alike and unlikely
They were so many skies apart

How could you reconcile them?
You’ve got only a lifetime
And the effort would break your heart

Now nothing will destroy me, babe
I’ll never live up to my name
I mustn’t let it be a burden

The tide rolls back again
The memory is wasted away
Someday it will be all forgotten